If you have aging parents, you know there are sensitive situations that can arise between you and your parents on a variety of issues…driving, medications and housing options. The following advice is based on research conducted by Home Instead Senior Care, and is part of a series call “The 40-70 Rule-Getting Seniors and Loved Ones to Talk to Each Other.”
Example: When visiting your 85 year-old dad, you see bottles of medications on the kitchen counter and on his nightstand. The thing is, he may have a very good system in place to help remind him to take his meds…maybe the ones in the kitchen are to be taken with food, and the ones on the nightstand he takes before bed. However, by simply asking, “Hey Dad, how the heck do you keep these pills straight?”, you’re beginning a dialogue. And, if his response is, “I don’t know, I do my best, I’m not even sure what some of them are,” then you’ve uncovered a situation that needs attention. The key: start the conversation, and from there:
1. Talk it out. Discuss what you’ve observed and ask your parents what they think is going on. If your parents acknowledge a situation that may be risky for them, ask what they think would be good solutions. If your parents don’t recognize a problem, use concrete examples to support your case.
2. Sooner is best. Talk sooner, rather than later when a problem exists. If you know your loved one has poor eyesight or has trouble driving at night, begin to address those issues before a crisis occurs.
3. Forget the baby talk. Remember you’re talking to an adult, not a child. Patronizing speech or baby talk will put older adults on the defensive and convey a lack of respect.
4. Maximize independence. Always try to move toward solutions that provide the maximum amount of independence for seniors. If your loved ones need assistance at home, look for tools that can help them maintain their strengths, such as caregiving services, additional household help, or friends who can look in on them. Propose a Lifeline or Medical Alert system as well, in case they’re alone and need emergency help.
5. Reach out. Many of the issues of aging can be solved by providing parents with the support they need to continue to maintain their independence. Resources like home care agencies such as Home Instead Senior Care, the Santa Clarita Valley Senior Center and local geriatric specialists can help provide those solutions.
For more information or a free copy of “The 40-70 Rule”, please call 661-254-8701.