The Right Formula For Solving Conflicts In Your Marriage?

 I provide couples therapy with the motto that a relationship doesn’t need to be issue free to be successful. Instead, the definition of a healthy relationship is one where the partners can identify their issues, agree upon them, and can productively discuss them. I also strongly believe that each relationship has to be able to use the proper communication in order to be productive. I refer to that as “The Zone of Communication”, which is the “who”, the “what”, and the “why” of your discussions.  Once couples learn to utilize their proper zone of communication, a common challenge is usually identifying who is responsible for what.  If you can’t agree on that, you’re going to have a hard time no matter how many rules you follow.
Let’s face it, in any given argument everyone thinks they’re the one that sees things correctly and often feel that their partner can’t recognize what he or she is doing wrong. However, what I commonly experience is each person has good insight at identifying what the other is doing wrong, but lacks the self -awareness to see how they’re contributing to the issue.  Consequently, the couples spend all of their time trying to show one another where they’re at fault instead of keeping the focus on their own wrongdoing and what they can do to make the situation better.
So what is the formula?
1. We each must identify where we’re individually at fault.
2. We acknowledge and agree upon the responsibility our partner holds.
3. Once the above is agreed on, that aspect of the conflict is no longer an issue and we can focus on modifying our own individual behavior.
4. Once each individual changes their respective behavior in regards to the specific issue, the problem will be resolved.
These issues have not appeared overnight and just because you recognize your responsibility, the issue will not resolve itself automatically.  These kinds of relationship challenges take hard work and time to address. However, without utilizing this formula, couples won’t be able to improve regardless of how committed they are or how much they love each other.
If you need further clarification or assistance with your relationship, please contact Goodman Therapy at 661-310-1231 today for your first free session.