As parents, we sometimes question where the line is drawn between discipline and abuse. We want to help our children learn to behave properly but we don’t want to ever cross a line where we have caused physical or emotional harm to our children. The word discipline, according to Webster is “training to act in accordance with rules.” Its purpose is to encourage moral, physical and intellectual development and a sense of responsibility in children. Ultimately, we want our children to do the right thing, not because they fear external reprisal, but because they have internalized a standard of good conduct gained self-confidence, and a positive self-image.
Abuse is characterized by satisfying needs or expressing the negative feelings of the parents or caregivers. While it may change behavior temporarily, often the improvement is short lived and followed by acting out the hostility they’ve learned. To avoid further abuse, children may learn to lie, run away or exhibit other means of avoiding responsibility. Abuse damages the self-esteem of parents and the children. In contrast, safe, effective discipline is a correction given in love. In evaluating methods of guiding their children’s behavior, parents or guardians need to ask themselves: Is the discipline or consequence carefully related to the offense? Is it administered in the calmness of conviction rather than in the heat of anger? Are you being fair, heavily considering severity and frequency of the occasional behavior? Is it free from physical violence?
How can you tell a child is being abused? Repeated injuries such as bruises, welts or burns are common signs of abuse. Neglected children may appear badly nourished, inadequately clothed, left alone, or wandering at all hours. Parents may seem unconcerned, deny that anything is wrong, or give unlikely explanations for the injuries or neglect. Children who have been or are being abused are often isolated, may be acting out, have a low self-esteem, and don’t trust those around them.
Every parent will make errors in judgment and actions at one time or another but when it becomes a pattern or a pattern starts to emerge, it’s time to seek help.
If you know of a situation where a child might be at risk of abuse, be their voice and call the Child Abuse Hotline at 800-540-4000.
Remember, its the parents and caregivers that are putting their imprint on the child and their future. Help your child grow into a healthy, stable and loving individual.
For further information about becoming a foster or fost/adopt parent, please contact Robin Monroe, M.A., Certification Coordinator at Inner Circle Foster Care & Adoption Services, at 818-988-6300, ext 212 or email: robinm@fosterfamily.org .