It is hard to have self esteem these days. I think you become a comedian in the first place because you have self esteem issues. Every time I turn on the TV, I get barraged by people attacking me for something. I have learned that I have bad breath, discolored teeth, I’m overweight and out of shape.
I have the heartbreak of psoriasis, the embarrassment of dandruff and the pain and itching of hemorrhoids. They say one out of every ten Americans suffer from hemorrhoids. Does that mean the other nine out of ten enjoy them?
I have too little hair and the hair I have is the wrong color.
I can get hair transplants, or join the hair club for men.
I can rub some stuff on my head to grow hair, but I have to keep rubbing the rest of my life. And it might not work. I can take a pill to grow hair, but then I might need a pill to make love.
They want me to take a pill for allergies, and a pill to fall asleep. It turns out my dreams miss me. Have you seen the guy on that commercial that dreams about Abraham Lincoln, a skin diver, and a talking beaver? I think he has more trouble than me. What would Freud say about this guy? Probably that he needs another pill.
What else is wrong with me? I am in debt; I need legal advice, financial advice, and relationship advice.
I have not adequately prepared for my retirement or my death.
My skin is too pale, I have too many freckles, and I have pimples.
On top of all that there is a very good chance my dog is sick too. She probably has fleas and ticks and worms.
Is anyone feeling good about themselves? Man I need a good laugh. Why don’t you join me at J.R.’s Comedy Club and we can make each other feel better. At least till we get home and turn the TV back on. See you soon.
For more information and reservations, call 661-259-2291 visit www.comedyinvalencia.com