The more decisions we make, the easier decision-making becomes. People, publications, religion or other research tools can help to identify issues, but final decisions must be yours. Too many people focus on what they should do rather than what they’ve discovered works. What might be effective in one situation may not work in another. Though I belong to the California Rare Fruit Growers Association, I realize that most of the tropical plants they promote won’t grow in my climate. I find that sexual guilt, put on youth to keep them from becoming sexually active, often makes sex awkward and uncomfortable even in marriage. Parents who make decisions for their kids, so they won’t make wrong decisions, limit self-confidence in those kids to make decisions and stand on their own two feet. We can prepare our kids to be robots accepting programming from anyone who accesses their controls or prepare them to be fully functioning and thinking individuals.
Decision-making must be practiced. Do your research and then make your own decision before asking others what they’d do. Life is full of challenges; don’t avoid them. The more challenges you face, the more confident you’ll be to handle new situations. When people pressure you to give in to their wishes, determine what the long-term objective is and whether it’s achievable on that path. In deciding to take a relationship to the next step, consider how it’ll change that relationship, and make sure that both have the same objective in mind and are prepared for the transition. Conflicts develop when one is looking short-term and the other long-term.
Help others to discover decisions that work best for them. It’s not the parent’s responsibility to teach children right from wrong; it’s the parent’s responsibility to help them to discover the answer themselves. Open their eyes, but encourage them to explore and make conclusions based on their discoveries. By showing people that we value their input, rather than telling them what to do, we show them that they’re important to us, building their self-confidence and strengthening our relationship. We must feel respected and valued in order to feel that we truly belong in a relationship.
You have the ability or have the ability to acquire the ability. Believe in yourself and those you care about.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-251-7748 or 661-269-4704.