Remember when we were little kids at a party? Our mothers pushed us to go and say hello to someone, make friends, take a chance. Now, some years later, we find those words of advice nagging us in the adult world of social events. I’ve always been in awe of people that can “work a room,” comfortable in any social situation and able to strike up a conversation with anyone on virtually any topic. It’s an art form to be watched, admired and emulated. My problem is that, ever since that first birthday party when I was four years old, I’ve never felt comfortable walking up to a stranger and asking questions (“Friend of the bride or the groom?” “What an adorable child. Yours?” “Don’t you just love the music?”). Don’t get me wrong – I can do it. In fact, my friends will tell you that I’m stinkin’ good at it. It’s just that I’m really more comfortable with the idea of sitting at the bar and hoping someone will come up to me and initially carry that burden for me.
Not the case a couple of months ago. Safiya and I met for a glass of wine at a great new place in town. It was a ‘wine’ kind of night on that cool November evening. I usually don’t care where we meet, but if it’s warm enough, I enjoy sitting outside. I find it decadent for some reason. Safiya picked Lee’s Wine Bistro, a cute little bar next to the Hyatt. As we sat watching the passersby and the other patrons, we noticed (and this almost never happens on a Saturday night) that no one in the place was coupled off, and everyone was about our age (40’s and 50’s). Halfway through our drinks my eye caught a seemingly familiar face. Or was it? You know that cheesy line, haven’t we met somewhere before? I was dying to ask it. I was positive I knew him. The funny thing was that every time I looked at him, he was looking at me so I just assumed he was trying to remember, too. Get up! Go say Hello! Take a chance! I took another sip of wine.
In the midst of my mental anguish I spotted my adorable single dentist sitting off to the side, all alone. Now I had no excuse. The man has had a hand in my smile for the past seven years. The least I could do was walk over and flash it! I took Safiya with me and introduced them. As they were talking and exchanging business cards (I should really get some of those), I noticed that my “friend” was sitting alone just behind me. I took a deep breath, walked over and actually sat down at his table! We silently stared at each other for a minute. I finally spit out those philosophically deep, thought-provoking words, “Do we know each other?”
Don’t you love when I leave you hanging? But, come on, aren’t you proud of me for taking the chance? What keeps us from it more often than not? Is it really so hard? What’s the fear?
My guess is that sometimes the main reason for not taking a risk is the impending embarrassment that we’re certain will follow. For this reason, we might restrain ourselves from walking across the restaurant to speak to someone we’re positive we know from somewhere. But is the perceived embarrassment greater than the possible gain? I don’t think I want to die with any “what if’s?” I don’t think I want to live that way either.
To find out what happened, or share thoughts/comments, write to me: writelove@sbcglobal.net .