Contrary to popular belief, Valentine’s Day may be one of the most unloving days of the year for singles and couples alike. Many singles feel totally left out of the equation on February 14. Those not in committed relationships (good, bad, or otherwise) feel especially lonely and unloved on a day when it seems that everyone else is in love.
Valentine’s Day is the day for couples, when significant others are supposed to have romantic dinners, and exchange cards and gifts. It is the day when lovers are supposed to get chocolates in heart-shaped boxes, red roses by the dozen, engagement rings, stuffed animals, and more from their partners. Unfortunately, as evidenced in a recent study conducted at Arizona State University, Valentine’s Day can actually be one of the most treacherous times for couples – more relationships break up in the weeks around February 14 than at any other time of the year.
In my professional experience as a therapist, many couples mistakenly evaluate the quality of their relationships based on whether or not their Valentine’s Day expectations, mostly inflated, are fulfilled. Three of the most common relationship buttons that get pushed are:
• Trust: We wonder whether or not our partner is being authentically loving, or just
following the obligatory Valentine’s Day program.
• Control: We take a stand against commercialization of romance by refusing to
participate in retail rituals, and in the process, we inadvertently send our partner “I
don’t love you” or “I don’t care about you” messages.
• Competition: We compare how we feel with our partner with what other couples –
those engaging in expensive displays of romance – must feel on February 14. We
assume their public behavior is real and ours is contrived.
Whether your relationship survives Valentine’s Day will depend more on the other 364 days of the year. If you really want to feel loved this February 14, don’t limit yourself to romance. This year, pay particular attention to all the love that comes your way. Make sure those you value – your family, your friends, and your coworkers — know how much you care.
May you feel loved this Valentine’s Day and every day!
Call Debbie of Working Relationships to schedule a consultation for therapy or coaching in Valencia at 661-259-5986 or Encino at 818-385-0550.