February is the month we celebrate Valentine’s Day and many of us become acutely aware of the deficiencies in our relationships during this month. Maybe we are not even in a committed relationship.
Or, perhaps we are not feeling fulfilled in our relationship and our partner does not seem to be meeting our needs. Either way, we may be feeling inadequate, abandoned or disrespected.
Let’s talk about feeling abandoned. Is it realistic to expect that our every need and desire is to be anticipated and met by a significant other? That is how “true love” is portrayed in movies and television but movies and television are not real life (ask anyone who works in the entertainment business)!
A better question and a more empowering question to ask is, “How am I meeting my own needs and taking care of myself?” If you don’t take care of your own physical and emotional needs the world will not reflect back to you a person who does! So it starts with you, the one person you do have total control over!
We cannot control the behavior of anyone else, but we have complete control over our own behavior. Frustration begins and builds when we try to “make” others behave a certain way. These ideas apply to all relationships including familial, parenting, dating and co-worker issues. The “work” starts with us and within the framework of any kind of relationship is the incredible opportunity to refine (and re-define) ourselves.
So this month of February 2009, let’s start with ourselves — our own heart. What is in our heart that speaks to us of loving ourselves more and attending to our own needs? When we take the time and explore the personal processes within ourselves to meet our own emotional needs, we no longer need to make others meet them for us (and then feel frustrated because they don’t). Starting with ourselves, our relationships can bring more joy into our life! The relationship with ourselves is our main relationship; all others simply reflect those qualities back to us.
Dr. Elena Michaels is a Doctor of Natural Health, Integrative Healthcare Practitioner, Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with a holistic orientation. She has been helping others find balance and joy in their lives for more than 29 years.
For more information, please call 661-250-4395, visit www.DrElena.com or email Elena@DrElena.com.