Our society promotes uniformity. When we’re different, we fear negative judgment by others, so we hide our differences. What happens when we recognize that we need help, but fear exposing those differences? Do we face our fears or avoid the help? People ask me whether what they’re doing is right or normal. I ask them whether it works for them. If they say yes, then I confirm that what they’re doing is perfectly fine. If they say no, then I’ll help them to explore other alternatives that might be more effective for them. It isn’t my place to judge people based on either my standards or societal standards. Actually, I feel that our society would experience significant improvement if we promoted uniqueness rather than conformity. Would our society gain by ordering short people to have stilts surgically attached, or removing bones from tall people? Just because some people don’t value a particular trait doesn’t mean that others wouldn’t appreciate that trait.
I remember the beginnings of the women’s movement, when women worked hard to be the best men they could be. It has taken a long time for business to appreciate women for their innate abilities, helping companies relate better with people.
When I worked in an adolescent residential treatment center, I saw new girls doing their best to shock the male staff. In time, the established girls told the new ones to not bother with me, as I was un-shockable. I’ve probably encountered and dealt with most anything they could present. I don’t see myself fixing others who don’t conform. As long as no one is being hurt, and everyone is mature enough to make factually based, educated decisions, my responsibility is to help them to fine-tune their choices to be more efficient and effective, not to send them down a different path.
In my practice, I’ve seen many people who live alternative lifestyles. Though their choices may have complicated their relationships with friends, family and co-workers, they find that their choices work for them. Every society has guidelines that are expected there, yet might be unacceptable elsewhere. My responsibility is to discover what works for you, not declare “shoulds” or “shouldn’ts.” Don’t put off getting help out of fear, just make sure that you feel safe wherever you seek the help.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-251-7748 or 661-269-4704.