Every day we hear about our economic recession. In an emotional recession people feel anxious, depressed and a sense of being powerless in the world. Meanwhile, life continues to dish out losses such as death of a loved one, divorce, breakup, loss of health, loss of career, loss of job, or any of the 40 other losses we can encounter during a lifetime.
“How to cope with loss has to be America’s most misunderstood subject,” asserts grief counselor Jeff Zhorne, director of The Grief Program. Loss experiences catch most people unprepared. “We simply are not taught how to handle loss, much less move beyond it,” he said.
Zhorne suggests that friends and family members are also unprepared for handling the pain, isolation and loneliness that invariable accompany grief. “Of course, people mean well when they try to help us, but they just don’t have the right tools,” he added.
Much of the information we received on coping with loss was not helpful. “Be grateful,” “Be strong” or “Get your mind off yourself” are statements that may be true, but certainly do not help in matters of the heart.
Zhorne notes: “So many have stuffed the pain over the years. Maybe it’s a sad movie or listening to a friend’s battle with cancer, and slowly you feel your throat tighten. Your feelings bubble to the surface and get lodged there. Many of us push those feelings right back down.”
But buried pain is very real, has energy and doesn’t go away on its own. The nature of unresolved grief seems to make itself known when least expected. Reactions become disproportionate; emotional, mental or physical well-being suffers.
The focus of The Grief Program is discovering and communicating all the emotional truths connected with loss. “Maybe it’s regret – wishing things had been different, better or more. Or unrealized hopes, dreams and expectations,” said Zhorne.
Grieving people aren’t broken; they don’t need to be fixed. They need to be listened to with dignity, honor and respect. “But it’s more than just talking about it,” he pointed out. “There is unfinished emotional business that has to be dealt with. Otherwise, those who refuse to grieve get stuck in melancholy; it’s like a low-grade infection that never goes away.”
Zhorne’s work with grieving people centers on doing the heart work, giving up the hopes that yesterday can ever be different. “It’s about getting your heart and your head in the same place,” he added.
For those who are tired of temporary pain relief, tired of quenching in, and want to expand life and relationships, The Grief Program offers a step-by-step method for finishing unfinished emotional business and ending emotional recession. “The result is being able to cherish fond memories of our loved ones, living or not living. It’s a way to good-bye to regret, age-old hurts and worry about the future.”
A free community presentation on working through grief and loss events will take place at 7 p.m., Thursday, April 2, at Santa Clarita City Hall, Century Room (first floor), 23920 Valencia Blvd.
For more information, call 661-733-0692. No reservations needed.