Sometimes We Need to Ask for the Keys
For most of us, our parents were always there when we needed them. They fed us. They clothed us. And they tried to teach us everything they knew.
Including driving. With all of the history and emotions you and your parents have, it’s never going to be easy to tell a parent that it’s time to hand over the car keys for good. Nobody wants to have that conversation, which is why people tend to put it off as long as possible.
By 2020, one of every five drivers will be over 65, according to the National Institute on Aging. So how to take away your parents’ car keys without them resenting having their independence taken away?
The first step is simply to start the dialogue, and that’s the hardest part. But what should your script say? And how should you prepare for this dialogue?
• Build a case. Take a drive with your parent, where you’re the passenger, and get a sense for whether your intuition is right or not to have your discussion.
• Steer the conversation towards recent headlines, national or local, that involve an elderly driver as the cause of the accident.
• Be gentle but firm and try not to be insulting or confrontational. If you make your parents angry or hurt, which may be impossible to avoid, they’re more likely to stubbornly cling to the idea that they should be on the road.
• Rely on experts. Realize that it may be difficult for your parents to agree with you.
• Most importantly, offer solutions to giving up the car, like volunteering to take your parent to church every Sunday or to the bookstore on Saturday mornings. And since you can’t always be there, consider turning to a professional caregiver and companion service.
Myles McNamara, owner of Comfort Keepers In-Home Care, is a Certified Senior Advisor and works professionally with the elderly on issues relating to senior independence. He can be reached at 661-287-4200.