Maybe someone can explain this to me, as I’m thoroughly confused. A couple of weeks ago I received a letter in the mail. It was from an ex boyfriend – from 21 years ago! Apparently, I’d been on his mind for some time and he finally found me. This, in itself, is not unusual, right? We all think about a long lost love from time to time, don’t we? Several years ago, after my marriage ended, I remember thinking of this man (we’ll call him Sam). I wondered where he was, what he was doing, if he had married – happily, and whether or not he wished, on a daily basis, that he’d never let me go. Maybe that’s the fantasy. When a relationship along with its potential for lifelong love ends, where else can we go but to our memories to find comfort? Don’t we all go back to that young, innocent love – the one filled with promise and potential, and wish we had done things differently? Maybe if we had, we wouldn’t have ever landed in the relationship that just ended so painfully. Maybe if we had, we wouldn’t have spent New Year’s alone, or looked at the calendar on February 14 with such disdain and contempt, and even sorrow.
But who actually acts on these impulses to go back in time? I’m guessing single people, wouldn’t you agree? Sam, on the other hand, is married. I don’t know about you, but my warning flags, sirens and all, went up. So I questioned the reasoning for this. Here’s my take on it: His actions had nothing to do with me. I’ll explain.
When you remember young love you recall, with some emotion, the joy, the promise, the unburdened, unrestrained lightness of love. The arguments, if you remember any, were easy: The kids didn’t need braces; the mortgage wasn’t overdue; neither of you cared how the other spent his/her paycheck; neither had yet disappointed the other for not fully living up to his/her potential; and we were desired not only for that potential, but for our minds, bodies and souls.
So here’s my point. I don’t think Sam wrote to me to see me again. I think he wanted to see the young, vibrant man he used to be mirrored in my eyes. I believe that ex’s are just icons on the desktop of life. Click on one and you go back in time to a place where you felt that your life had promise. I understand that Sam is married, but my warning goes out to those of us who are single – live with what you have now. It’s highly possible that when you’re 92 you’ll look back on today, this very day, and long for it. Going back serves no purpose in life other than to mark time and measure progress.
Still haven’t hooked up with SCVSingles? Here’s the email to get on their list at: scvsingles.com. Questions/comments? Write to me: writelove@sbcglobal.net