Are you more careful, cautious, or suspicious than usual? Slow to make commitments? Preoccupied about what lies ahead? On the other hand, are you throwing caution to the wind? Making choices with no apparent concern about what tomorrow may bring? Feeling increased levels of fear, anxiety, sadness, or depression?
During turbulent and trying times, some of us will be more controlled or controlling, others will seem more apathetic (acting as if nothing matters much), and the rest of us will appear to be frozen in place — wanting to take action, but paralyzed by uncertainty. These fight/flight/freeze responses are likely to be exaggerated when we feel threatened and unsure. The question is: how can we regain our footing and confidence at a time when we need to count on each other more than ever?
For me it’s about trust. I used to believe my ability to trust was automatic and unconscious — an emotion. However, as I think about it, I realize that trusting can be a logical and rational decision. For me, it’s based on five attributes:
Ability: Does he/she have the knowledge, skills, and attitudes to deliver on his/her promises?
Benevolence: Does he/she show concern, consideration, compassion, kindness, and goodwill towards me?
Communication: Does he/she accurately understand me and can he/she effectively express him/herself?
Dedication: Does he/she show a commitment to our shared success and fulfillment of our stated intentions?
Ethics: Does he/she have a reputation built on being truthful, and acting with honor and integrity?
For me, whether or not someone is trustworthy is an assessment I can make consciously with the confidence that comes from rational and logical thought. See! Trusting is a decision, not an emotion. When I trust myself I can choose my way forward with greater assurance and resolve. Coupled with what I know about how well I’ve survived similar situations in the past and how well I think I can survive (physically and psychologically) comparable situations in the present and future, my decision to trust or not trust can enable me to take these turbulent times in stride.
Ahhhh. I feel so much better when I can explain myself to me!
You are welcome to call Debbie to schedule a consultation with her for therapy/coaching in Valencia at 661-259-5986 or Encino at 818-385-0550.