“I’m sure I have unfinished business in many of my relationships, but I would rather just let sleeping dogs lie.” Many people feel this way when it comes to loss, trauma and unresolved grief events from the past. The past is over and done with, move on, keep going, the brain says.
However, the heart has a logic all its own, something the brain doesn’t know about. The heart’s motto is: “I have to go out there and make yesterday different.” The brain thinks that’s ridiculous, so the heart shifts into park and the brain winds up dragging along the heart like a defiant mule.
Studies show the average person will encounter 42 potential loss experiences, ranging from loss of job and loss of health to death and divorce, said Jeff Zhorne, director of The Grief Program, based in Santa Clarita. “If these losses are not resolved appropriately, pain and melancholy begin to erode our mental and physical health and the lives of those around us,” Zhorne said. “It’s like a low-grade infection sets in.”
Zhorne is personally and painfully acquainted with loss. Eighteen years ago his two children, ages four and two, died in a horrible auto accident in England. “It was terrifying. I was utterly helpless. I didn’t know where to turn,” Zhorne recounted. People tried to help by offering him phrases of supposed comfort such as, “Be grateful you still have your wife,” “It could’ve been worse” and “You just have to let go and move on.” Let go of what? Move on to where? Zhorne asked.
He related: “I looked everywhere for help. Trouble was, most books either told me how I was feeling (I already knew!) or offered advice for getting through the day. I tried to intellectualize my grief and think myself well. But you can’t fix a broken heart with your head.
After much education and training, and by sheer providence, Zhorne made some incredible discoveries about the process of completion and emotional healing. The result is The Grief Program. Its mission is to help hurting people heal the emotional pain in relationships that have ended or changed. “This program provides tools to get unstuck and resolve loss sooner and more completely than any method I know,” he said. “It gives hope and a way out of the dark.”
The Grief Program is offering a free community presentation on the tools and skills needed for working through significant emotional loss of any kind at 7 p.m., Wednesday, September 9, in the office of Dr. Elena Michaels, 24509 Walnut St., Suite 104 in Santa Clarita.
For more information, please call The Grief Program at 661-733-0692.