Siblings of children with special needs face unique challenges and opportunities that are sometimes overlooked by parents and school personnel. Oftentimes, the special needs sibling requires the lion’s share of family resources in time, attention, and money. The non-disabled sibling may experience feelings of anger, resentment, and guilt. But he or she may also develop compassion, tolerance, and acceptance for others. There are a number of roles, which may emerge, three of which are the Parentified Child, the Withdrawn Child, and the Super Achiever.
The Parentified Child is typically a very responsible individual who performs caretaking tasks for the special needs sibling and may also be in charge of policing the sibling’s activities. This can provide a positive developmental situation in teaching the non-disabled sibling tolerance, altruism, compassion, and the rewards of responsible behaviors. Potential negative influences include a childhood that is overburdened with responsibilities and one that lacks opportunities for normal age level social interactions.
The Withdrawn Child is typically unable to earn parental attention. This is the child who has a timid temperament and may be overwhelmed by the disabled sibling’s behaviors or parent demands. This individual will try to put distance between him or herself and the disabled sibling and who often becomes an underachiever. This child is at risk for anxiety or depression.
Some children react to the presence of a disabled sibling be becoming the Family Super Achiever. This is the determined, responsible child who strives to be an exceptional student, athlete or musicians. This role enables the child to get positive parental attention and recognition from authority figures. The dangers of this role are that the accomplished individual may become the sole target for all of the parents’ aspirations and goals.
Parents and professionals can provide support for the siblings of children with special needs by, first, acknowledging that they too have needs that are based on age and temperament. These siblings need to have a safe way to work through feelings of anger, resentment, and guilt. They need a safe, supportive environment where they can try on new roles and practice new skills. Parents and teachers can search out and provide creative, supportive outlets for play. And, finally, parents can help the child deal with issues of perfectionism and overachievement.
For more information, please call Ramona Hall, MA at 661-222-7332.