Holidays are sad reminders of those we have lost. Whether it’s your first, 10th or 50th year without your loved one, the empty chair at holiday dinners can cause enormous pain.
“As a society we are not trained or prepared to deal with life’s most predictable event and that is loss,” said grief counselor Jeff Zhorne, director of The Grief Program and a resident of Valencia.
Maybe it’s a holiday movie, lights or smells, or listening to a friend’s battle with cancer, and slowly you feel your throat tighten. As feelings bubble to the surface, many of us push those feelings right back down.
“This buried pain is very real, has energy and doesn’t go away on its own,” said Zhorne, a certified grief counselor. Unresolved grief affects us negatively, sooner or later. “It will make itself known when you least expect it.”
Zhorne said most people realize the need to resolve past loss issues and finish unfinished emotional business. “But you rarely hear how to actually do that,” he remarked. “How do we move out of fear, isolation and loneliness?”
After the deaths of his two children, Jeremy and Amelia, in 1991, Zhorne found himself stuck in pain and regret. After much education and training, and by sheer providence, he made some incredible discoveries about the process of emotional healing. Today, as a grief counselor certified by The Grief Recovery Institute, his practice is centered in Santa Clarita.
“Grief recovery provided a way of finishing what was so I could begin to live with what is,” he recounted. “The more completion work I did, the more I began to cherish fond memories of my children. They both left a legacy of love, not pain. Now I am able to remember them for the way they lived, not just the way they died.”
If you are tired of temporary pain relief, tired of stuffing it, and want to expand your life and relationships, the program provides a step-by-step method for finishing unfinished emotional business and moving beyond loss.
Zhorne said the pain won’t go away on its own, no one can recover alone and time definitely does not heal all wounds. With the correct tools we can cherish fond memories of our loved ones. Sad memories won’t hurt us any more.
The Grief Program is sponsoring a free community presentation on the skills needed for working through significant emotional loss at 7 p.m., Thursday, December 10, in the Education Center at Christ Lutheran Church, 25816 N. Tournament Road.
For more information call 661-733-0692 or visit www.thegriefprogram.com .