How to Get the Most Out of Relationship Therapy

 I have observed patterns in people who are dissatisfied with therapy. Here is what I’ve discovered will increase your satisfaction with your results.  Have a clear picture of what you want to accomplish. Be an active participant in the therapy process.  Focus on fine-tuning your relationship skills rather than pressuring the other to change.
Without knowing what you want to accomplish, you’ll likely continue on an unchanging treadmill. Seeking tools and understanding, rather than venting, will lead to more progress. Clearly describe the type of relationship you desire to be involved in. You’ve identified this from earlier relationship experiences or role models observed in books, movies or your daily life. Rather than relying on early pattern indoctrination, observe relationships around you to see what patterns would or wouldn’t be compatible with you, and then clearly paint this picture to your partner and therapist.
People can’t read your mind. If you don’t clearly express your feelings and desires, others won’t be able to understand you. Seek clarification of what you hear from your partner or therapist… don’t accept assumptions as facts. Speak up when the direction is getting off-track or uncomfortable. Don’t passively accept something you feel doesn’t work for you; this is your time, so make sure you get what you need.
The more you pressure your partner to change (by demanding or criticizing), the more resistant to change that person becomes. Show an interest in understanding how your wording impacts your partner rather than insisting on your right to speak your mind.Your partner won’t take your feelings into consideration if you aren’t considerate of theirs. You’re more likely to see positive growth in your partner if you show a legitimate effort to enhance your relationship abilities rather than by focusing on what your partner should be doing or how your partner has disappointed you. Focusing on the past, other than to identify positive tools learned from those experiences, will limit growth. Seek new tools rather than legitimize dysfunctional familiar patterns. Let your words and actions show you want to be the best partner you can be.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.