Stress and Divorce

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

California is in the midst of a long term draught.  War wages in the Middle East.  Criminal violence headlines the news.  Political and religious causes divide communities.  The sluggish economy limits job opportunities and pay growth.  What does any of this have to do with the stress of divorce?  Isn’t divorce stressful enough?
Stress is the tension or pressure felt in the face of adverse or demanding circumstances.  Each person has a unique tolerance for the amount of stress they can experience and still function well.  For some it takes very little additional stress to trigger a harmful reaction.  Others seem to manage great amounts of stress without apparent negativity (think about the pilot that landed his commercial flight in New York’s Hudson River).  But in both cases, the “stress” of the triggering event is added to whatever circumstances already create stress (such as the nightly news).
The stress of divorce is often compared to the death of a loved one – among the most stressful events experienced.  Add in specific worries about children and financial needs – and for many, the weight of the world’s ills – and you have a recipe for a very negative reaction.
Fortunately, there are choices people can make to diffuse the stress and thus change the outcome.  First, of course, is just recognizing the extent of the stress and your tolerance to manage it.  Actions that can reduce or help manage stress include sitting down and organizing priorities in your life; asking for help; learning relaxation techniques; invest some time in a positive direction – such as exercise or self-expression through art (singing, painting, acting, etc.); daily affirmations; or spending time with friends or groups that have positive attitudes.
How will all of this help in a divorce?  Think of divorce like a mountain between you and the rest of your life.  There is the entrance to what looks like a tunnel.  Too much stress and you try to climb the mountain with a bag of weights on your back.  Manage the stress and you have a flashlight to see you through to the other side.  It’s not the stress, but the reaction to it.
For more information contact the Center for Cooperative Divorce at 661-255-9348 or visit us online at www.centerforcooperativedivorce.com.