Answers to Seek Before Choosing a Partner

Without judging them, discover whether you can see yourself compatible with potential partners.  Don’t settle or expect them to change for you.  Do you feel threatened by their differences, or they yours?  Here are some areas people often overlook yet can make or break a relationship:
What has this person learned from past relationships? Don’t expect accountability or growth if the answer is “nothing” or all blame is put on past partners.
How has this person dealt with past stress, frustration, disappointment?  Be aware these old patterns could return.
Has this person been comfortable spending beyond his/her means or other people’s money?  Compatible balance of spending and saving is important.
How does this person define communication, relationship, family, parenting, religion, health/fitness, intimacy and any other issue important to you, and what is its importance to him/her?  Don’t assume everyone shares your definitions or priorities.
How motivated or active is this person?  Would you struggle to keep up or feel you have to always push or carry this person?
Does this person focus on what he/she is entitled to receive or on what he/she brings to the relationship?  Are you comfortable giving what the other expects?
What does this person find special or appreciate (dislike or tolerate) most within a relationship?
In what areas is this person inflexible, compromise not being an option?  Are there any off-limits topics?  If so, what are they?
What is this person’s ideal ratio of free time spent alone versus with a partner?  What does this person enjoy doing during free time?  Does this person prefer doing home projects together or alone?
What personal tendencies or habits have others observed and commented on negatively regarding this person?  Not everyone is bothered by similar patterns.
In what areas might others see this person as excessive, overwhelming, passive or uninvolved?
What attributes, patterns, habits or characteristics does this person find most intolerable in a partner?
What personal, genetic or familial illnesses, patterns or traits does this person carry?
In what ways does this person bring creativity and playfulness to relationships?  This is important to keep the relationship new and alive.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.