Many clients and mediation participants ask me how they can best help their children cope with a divorce.
Here is short list:
1. Purchase books to help you explain what is happening. My personal favorites are Dinosaur Divorce by Laurence Brown and Marc Brown; My Two Homes by Claire Masurel; It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear by Vicki Lansky.
2. Permission: Give your child permission to love their other parent, even in front of you. Encourage them to “give daddy a hug goodbye” or to call mommy before bedtime.
3. Stability: Keep your child involved in their sports and other social activities, regardless of whether it occurs on your parenting time or not. Sports are a wonderful outlet for children.
4. Acceptance of Feelings: Provide a safe environment for your child to tell you how they feel without getting defensive or mad. They may be very mad at you. Just let them talk.
5. Structure: Keep your home clean, organized and structured. The less chaos, the better for children.
6. Predictability: Children love a plan. Tell them what will happen and when. Outline their day for them when you are sharing breakfast.  Be excited and animated when you tell them they are going to see the other parent. Encourage them to have fun with the other parent.
7. Empathy: Put yourself in your child’s shoes during this time. Children don’t care if Mondays are mom’s parenting days or dad’s parenting days. If they want to see the other parent on your day, let them! No kid ever counts up the days that they spent with each parent when they reach age 18.
8. Model: Model appropriate behavior for children. They are judging you on how you act with the other parent. Are you kind, polite and compassionate to your ex? Or do you act like a jerk? Your kids are watching you and listening to you. They feel how you treat the other parent.
9. Have fun. Children really just want to have fun. Go outside and play army men with them, or sit and have a tea party.
Some of these things are really hard to do in the battlefields of divorce – seemingly impossible. Your child will appreciate you for it.
For more information on your divorce, call 2015 SuperLawyer Denise Placencio at 877-317-8080. Your children and your case deserve the very best.