Where’s Your Focus?

 Whatever we focus on is what we’ll get more of. If we focus on positive, we’ll see more positive; if we focus on negative, we’ll see more negative. Will criticism or appreciation give you more of what you want?
When you watch a movie, do you focus on finding the flaws, or do you seek something you can connect with and then live vicariously through the character? You have every right to choose what you want to focus on, but which leaves you with a better feeling? Generally, critical people are hoping to minimize their insecurities by identifying flaws in others. Identifying flaws in others will never build your self-esteem. You’ll continue to feel inadequate, no matter how many flaws you find in others. Overcoming insecurities requires us to build and improve on ourselves, which will never happen if our focus is on what others could or should do.
When you visit the forest, do you focus on the trees and wildlife or the dirt on the ground? In your relationship, do you look for opportunities or obstacles? Do you focus on things within your control and set the stage for what you want, or do you expect others to read your mind and prepare yourself for disappointment? Don’t get upset because your partner isn’t kissing you; remind your partner how special a kiss can be by kissing him/her.
Every aspect of life contains both positive and negative. Negative people believe preparing for the worst possible scenario will make reality more satisfying, yet they don’t see how their negativity drains the energy from those around them, leading them to pull away and disconnect. If you want positivity in your life, point out and show appreciation for the beauty that surrounds you. If you don’t see positive, describe a time when you felt positive and how it impacted you, or share a special fantasy.
Focus on what’s within your control, and you’ll be happier with the results. That will also reduce stress, disappointment and anger in your life, providing you with a longer and healthier life to share with loved ones.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.