Feed Your Relationship

To have a relationship that feeds us over time, we need to take time to feed our relationship. There are three things to prioritize if you want to feed your relationship: desire, appreciation and respect. By focusing on sharing these aspects, you will like what you see in your relationship.
Show your partner you desire and enjoy him/her. Doing your duty will never energize your relationship. If you don’t feel desire, learn how or realize this is the wrong relationship for you. Don’t passively wait for your partner to initiate intimacy, yet don’t smother him/her. Be assertive, not aggressive. Let your desires be known without pushing them on your partner. Your partner will pull away if you come across overwhelming or appear to have a lack of interest. Feeling desire from a partner energizes and motivates us. It draws us closer and helps us to feel we belong.
Show appreciation for what is available rather than always focusing on what could or should be. Appreciate your partner for what already exists. If you can’t find anything to appreciate, you’re in the wrong relationship. By showing appreciation for actions shared, you’ll increase the likelihood of those actions being repeated. Never take your partner for granted or feel entitled to whatever your partner does or provides. When we feel appreciated, we’re motivated to invest and share more.
Respect your partner. Show a desire to understand your partner’s feelings and then take those feelings into consideration when making decisions. Never rationalize minimizing your partner’s feelings. Respect his/her differences, as you would like your partner to respect yours. Prioritize making sure your choices help your partner to feel safe with you. Be considerate and compassionate. Ask yourself whether you’d like to receive what you’re giving… in the way it’s being given.
Feed your relationship or watch it slowly die. No relationship will thrive without effort being regularly applied to nurture it, and it isn’t your partner’s responsibility to carry the entire weight of that commitment. Does your partner feel what you want your partner to feel; if not, what can you do about it?
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.