What is Love?

 What is love? Is it the hormonally charged intensity of adolescent infatuation, or is it shared deep caring, mutual respect and admiration? Is it about ownership or belonging? The definition is much like DNA; it’s unique to you.
We lack the ability to make someone love us, just as we can’t expunge love from another. We can plant a seed and nurture it, but patience is necessary for love to bloom. We can invite love or choose to surrender to it, but no one can truly control it. Throughout time, governments have attempted to limit who could love whom, yet love doesn’t check law books before hatching. It’s hard for us to make it happen or prevent it from happening… it just happens.
Marriages can be arranged, but they don’t guaranty love. People can get used to each other and accept what is, but the emotion can’t be bought or sold. It will never be something anyone is entitled to.
For the most part, love exists when people’s fantasy matches what they believe reality to be. The question is whether we actually see reality or just see what we want to see or its potential. Also, people can deceive us by giving us what they believe we want to see, but not what they are willing to continually give indefinitely. This is the bait and switch selfish people use to acquire their perceived entitlements. When the selfishness is revealed, the love bubble bursts and can never be put back exactly as it once was.
Don’t believe “if it’s meant to be, it will be.” Even the best love requires nurturing. If you want love to continue or grow, focus on what’s within your control. Ask yourself daily what you’ve done today to show your partner he/she is loved and special. Unlike expecting the other to act, your words and actions will take you where you want to go.
People define love in many ways. Use this article to trigger a discussion with your partner, and hopefully you’ll find a way to choose a path that works well for both of you.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.