Compatibility, Safety and Vulnerability

 Most relationships tend to be superficial, due to people not prioritizing the above factors. Commonly, both men and women expect their entitlements without considering the impact on their partner. It’s hard to feel safe when actions are turned into obligations. We want to feel we belong and are valued. Prioritize that which will truly take you where you want to go, helping you to accomplish your long-term objectives. Question choices you make when they don’t take you in a positive direction.
Compatibility is a combination of not feeling threatened by a partner’s differences along with believing our partner’s uniqueness adds to the relationship. Though we need to have things we value and share together, everything doesn’t need to be identical. The better a person’s self-esteem, the easier that person will accept differences in others.
To promote safety in a relationship, replace criticism and accusations with appreciation, sarcasm with open caring communication and power struggles with teamwork. Show you truly care about how your words and actions impact your partner. Take time to fully understand your partner’s thoughts, feelings and priorities before making any decisions that may impact your partner. Focusing on negative promotes negativity; focusing on positive promotes positivity.
People often believe they need to remain on guard, yet only the willingness to be vulnerable with a partner will convince that person you trust him/her. When people feel they are compatible and safe, vulnerability becomes the icing on the cake. It adds the depth they value in a relationship, along with true security.
When people prioritize lifestyle over relationship, they tend to focus on entitlement rather than their partner’s feelings. When we believe our feelings are not important to our partner, we’re placed in a defensive mode. We don’t feel safe, so we won’t allow vulnerability, and that leads to superficiality. A relationship is not about what we’re entitled to receive, but about what we choose to actively develop and nurture together. Relationships don’t just happen; they’re created and maintained. Always focus on what is within your control to add to your relationship, not what your partner should be doing.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.