Establishing and Defining Relationship Priorities

 We enter relationships with priority expectations yet rarely create a clear picture of what they are for ourselves or share them with our partner. Here is a tool you and your partner can use to open communication regarding priorities. Arrange the following list of common priorities according to what is most important to you, considering how these things impact your relationship and all involved. Feel free to add extra priorities. Next, define these priorities in clear concise terms. Finally, share the results with your partner and discuss commonalities and discrepancies and how to deal with discrepancies.
Acceptance, activity, addictions, affection, animals, appearance (personal and environmental), appreciation, approach, beliefs/values, boundaries, career, caring, children, clothing, commitment, communication, consideration, consistency/spontaneity, control, electronics, emotional support, entertainment, extended family/friends, fairness/equality, finances, food, free time, gender roles, giving, health/fitness, hobbies, honesty, independence/dependence, intimacy, kindness, learning, lifestyle, love, maintain/repair/replace, organization,  responsibility, respect, safety, satisfaction/enjoyment, sex, sleep, teamwork, trust, toys, understanding.
Here are some things to consider when you set and define your priorities. Do you accept people as they are or for their potential? What types of affection do you enjoy giving or receiving? Do you prefer an optimistic or pessimistic approach… focusing on obstacles or opportunities? Beliefs and values go beyond religion. How many children do you want, and what are your views regarding discipline and raising children? How do you view the balance between maintaining patterns and newness/growth? Do you control yourself or everything around you? Do you want to be alone or with your partner or others when you have free time? Consider self, partner, family and strangers when defining giving. For respectful honesty, we must include tact. Define what you see as balance between dependence and independence. Learning can be for personal growth or to allow sensitivity toward others. Do you prefer maintaining, repairing or replacing your possessions? Consider time management along with physical things when you define organization. Absence of demands, criticism, accusations and blame allow for safety. After sharing your definitions with your partner, ask your partner to explain your definitions in his/her own words, so you know you were understood.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.