Taking Time to Hear

 A five-year-old girl runs into her home and asks, “Mommy, where did I come from?” Her mother pulls out the books and diagrams and explains the facts of life. After a half-hour, she closes the books and asks, “Now do you understand?” Her daughter scratches her head and answers, “I think so, but Susie said she came from Michigan.”
Are we hearing what is being said, or what we fear is being said? To have quality communication, we must first push our fears aside, taking time to hear what’s behind the words.  Even when we believe we are expressing or hearing clearly, words are filtered through fears, concerns and desires. Show you value the other by seeking clarification rather than making assumptions. Address the other person’s feelings without changing the focus to your feelings, rationalizations or blame.
Miscommunication can be caused by not feeling safe or confident. Fearful we’ll disappoint, fail, or be hurt, we read into what people say to protect ourselves. We can help people feel safe, though, by showing we truly care about what they say and feel. Feeling safe is a necessary part of quality communication. Communication cannot occur during arguments. Let others know you truly value their thoughts and feelings by making sure you understand. By judging, correcting, or controlling, we declare their thoughts and feelings to be irrelevant, with only our perspective having any value.
Do we want to enhance opportunities, or do we just want to win? Communication takes an effort, but is not difficult, as long as people show they truly care about each other. Self-serving perspectives limit communication and depth in a relationship. Open your eyes to new perspectives, new opportunities and new depth. Life is about growing, not stagnating. Address and resolve your own limiting insecurities, as they will only get in the way of healthy relationships. Realize differences will only be a threat to you when you don’t feel secure with yourself. People are like animals. If they don’t feel threatened, they won’t be threatening. Promote safety, understanding, love, teamwork and depth in relationships, and then enjoy the results.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.