What Have You Learned?

 The more we learn from our experiences, the more satisfying our subsequent experiences will become. Do you just move on and forget the past, or do you think about what you’ve discovered, allowing you to apply the new knowledge to future opportunities? When our eyes are open, we learn about relationships, ourselves and potential partners. Without knowledge, we seek quantity. With knowledge, we seek quality; for only with knowledge can we understand what quality is.
Maybe you’ve discovered certain traits or patterns trigger stress or defensiveness in you. Maybe other patterns help you feel safe, valued and worthwhile. Don’t just be a reaction to your last relationship and look only for what was lacking in that relationship. Look at the total package… the presence of positive and absence of negative you’ve discovered work well for you. Though you may be willing to overlook certain aspects when the relationship is new, ask yourself whether you’ll still overlook them when the newness wears off.
Don’t follow the typical dating pattern of taking things very slowly and seeing where it might take you. You’ll appreciate both the journey and results if you make sure the path you take is leading you where you want to go. Seeking details of a person’s past experiences won’t give you the quality of knowledge you’d have if you seek an understanding of what that person learned from those past experiences. Learn how past stress, disappointment, comfort and joy have impacted that person. How did he/she handle it at the time and how have those experiences changed him/her?
Having many different dating experiences when we’re young helps us to discover what works for us. When we seek out many different dating experiences in middle age, it’s generally a statement of not knowing what we’re seeking or questioning our ability to choose healthy partners. Don’t assume you’re a lousy judge of character. Look at what you’ve learned, and apply that knowledge when you make choices. You’ll only repeat dysfunctional past patterns if you choose to repeat those patterns. Your future is yours. Move forward… don’t remain in the past.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.