The Ideal Relationship

Ideal relationships exist when both partners feel safe enough to openly, honestly share their thoughts and feelings while freely, respectfully acting on their desires. We want to openly share and take action, proving both individuals are important to the relationship and this is where we belong. Unfortunately, most people focus on their own entitlements rather than promote this safety, leading partners to establish defensive walls, withholding their thoughts, feelings and actions while learning by example to expect others to meet their entitlements. This results in frustration and low self-esteem.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to know our partner is truly interested in our thoughts and feelings, wanting to hear and understand them; wanting to consider them before any decisions are made? To share without fear of judgment or other negative consequence is beautiful. Just picture yourself freely acting on your desires, openly showing how much you enjoy and appreciate your partner. Wouldn’t you enjoy safely sharing, knowing your partner appreciates your actions as much as you appreciate your partner’s? All that’s required is to establish a relationship where we respectfully share these thoughts, feelings and actions. Giving this will raise the likelihood of receiving this.
Some people start their early relationships with this openness, while others start with a sense of entitlement. Takers can trigger givers to become cautious in sharing, fearful they’ll be used and taken advantage of. This leads the takers to feel more entitled. They’ll resent the bait and switch of being trained to appreciate their partner’s giving, only to find that giving dissipating.
Before entering a relationship, learn the beauty of open sharing, and pick your partner from those who already understand its beauty. It’s fine to teach others the beauty of this safe, open sharing, but rather than expecting others to change, don’t invest until your potential partner already understands and lives this life. Expecting your partner to learn this pattern and change will leave you feeling frustrated and disappointed. The resulting caution and bitterness will show through in future relationships, leading future partners to feel unsafe, reluctant to allow the vulnerability this ideal relationship requires.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.