The Fox and the Grapes

 Remember the Aesop’s Fable of the fox and grapes? The fox walked away after failing to reach the grapes, saying they were probably sour, anyway. This is about negative assumptions after failing to achieve a goal, but we can also apply the same thinking when we fail to act. Is this due to our insecurities or anticipated negative responses from others?
No one is born insecure. Our upbringing creates and nurtures self-doubt as a result of limiting or critical statements from others. When we fear rejection, abandonment or criticism, we find ourselves reluctant to act.
Maybe you met someone and found yourself interested in getting closer but held yourself back. We may convince ourselves the other won’t be interested, we won’t measure up or incompatibility may exist. Just like the fox, we use potentially false assumptions to not follow through. The greater the connection we feel, the more we’ll potentially miss if we fail to act. How will we know if the other person might be interested if we never show interest? We may feel we’re playing it safe, but what if the other person might also be interested but is holding back for the same reasons? If it isn’t ours already, it isn’t ours to lose.
Do your best to stop this pattern. When someone initiates and puts forth effort, be supportive and caring with your response. Broaden people’s perspectives to see alternatives rather than say they’re wrong. Teach children they either have the ability or have the ability to acquire the ability. If people show interest in you, but you don’t feel the same, show appreciation and let them down easy, picturing yourself in their shoes.
Take chances when you feel desires. Reach out to connect on some level. If you’d like someone as a partner, couldn’t you also see value in that person as a friend? When your person of interest shows signs of interest different from your view, that doesn’t mean you can’t connect on some level in some areas. If we choose all or nothing, we’ll generally experience more nothing than all.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.