Dealing with Disappointment

 Not everyone we are drawn to will be drawn to us. Though we may be disappointed, our hopes were dashed, it doesn’t need to be looked at as a negative experience, if we’ve learned from the experience. When we truly care about people, we’re more interested in those people being happy than being self-serving. You may think what you offer would be valuable to these people, yet who are we to think we know more about what works for those people than they do? Are we focusing on what we wanted to gain or what we wanted the other to gain? Yes, I know we ideally wanted both sides to gain, but let’s deal with reality rather than fantasy. By discovering this person is strong and confident enough to be true to what he/she’s discovered works best for him/her, we can be happy for that person. After all, wasn’t his/her happiness and fulfillment our goal?
Broaden your focus when labeling something as a loss. How can we lose something we never had? This was just an opportunity that didn’t pan out. That isn’t a statement about you, the other person or your future opportunities. It was just a single failure to connect. In feeling disappointed, we generally limit our perspective to our sense of entitlement. Yes, this opportunity may have passed us by, but there are many other opportunities waiting to be discovered. Disappointment is a normal emotion, but don’t dwell on it too long. Be happy for the other person’s happiness rather than feel sorry for yourself. Focus on what you can do to move on.
Knowing we aren’t being considered allows us to move on… potentially discovering someone with whom we can experience mutual compatibility. It can be challenging to focus on an unknown future when the immediate pain is so clear, yet whatever direction we focus on will determine the direction we’ll travel. Focusing on the past will keep you in the past; focusing on the future will take you where you want to be. Believe in yourself and put forth effort to meet others you might mesh with.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.