Denials

 Denials might be wishful thinking, but they’re usually lies. Are those giving them attempting to fool others… or fool themselves? We may want to believe we’re not something, but does declaring it make it so? The more people insist they don’t do certain things, the greater the likelihood they do what they claim they don’t do. I’ve found this to be especially true when people insist they aren’t judgmental, controlling, manipulative, critical or dishonest. After all, when was the last time you heard someone insist he isn’t a serial killer or didn’t give birth to a kangaroo yesterday? We don’t declare that which we don’t do.
It’s like alcoholics who believe all problems have disappeared while intoxicated, and then find reality hits harder when they sober up and realize nothing has changed. It can be draining to associate with people who constantly declare what they aren’t doing. We know they continue the behavior they deny, yet resent the constant reminder? Though it might feed our hope, does that declaration lead to any progress? Question whether you want to develop or maintain relationships with people who choose to maintain this pattern.
Do you find yourself denying behaviors? If you truly don’t want these behaviors, will you accomplish more by denying them or by addressing and replacing them? Denying them just draws people’s attention to them. It states we are all talk and no action. Patterns and habits are hard to change. For this reason, we want to help our kids see repetitive patterns before they take hold, giving them the option to alter them before they become ingrained. What may have been functional in our youth may be dysfunctional in adult life. Ask yourself whether it will be easier to face this thing you want to change today or 10 years in the future.
Awareness is the first step. Become aware of yourself and those you are drawn to. Change tends to be slow when we don’t take an active part in it. Make active choices of the person you wish to be and the people you choose to associate with.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.