Families First-Keys to Successful Family Functioning: Communication Part two of three

 Keys to Building Effective Family Communication
There are many things that families can do to become more effective communicators and in turn to improve the quality of their relationships. Families can improve their communication skills by following some suggestions for building effective family communication.
Communicate Frequently
One of the most difficult challenges facing families today is finding time to spend together. According to a recent Wall Street Journal survey, 40 percent of the respondents stated that lack of time was a greater problem for them than lack of money (Graham & Crossan, 1996).
With our busy schedules, it is difficult to find sufficient time to spend with one another in meaningful conversation. It is extremely important for families to make time to communicate. Talk in the car; turn the TV off and eat dinner together; schedule informal or formal family meetings to talk about important issues that affect your family; and talk to your children at bedtime. There are many creative ways to make time to communicate with other family members.
Communicate Clearly and Directly
Healthy families communicate their thoughts and feelings in a clear and direct manner. This is especially important when attempting to resolve problems that arise between family members (e.g., spouse, parent-child). Indirect and vague communication will not only fail to resolve problems, but will also contribute to a lack of intimacy and emotional bonding between family members.
Be An Active Listener
An essential aspect of effective communication is listening to what others are saying. Being an active listener involves trying your best to understand the point of view of the other person. Whether you are listening to a spouse or a child, it is important to pay close attention to their verbal and non-verbal messages. As an active listener, you must acknowledge and respect the other person’s perspective. For example, when listening to a spouse or child, you should nod your head or say, “I understand,” which conveys to the other person that you care about what he or she has to say. Another aspect of active listening is seeking clarification if you do not understand the other family member. This can be done by simply asking, “What did you mean when you said..?” or “Did I understand you correctly?”
In order for effective communication to take place within families, individual family members must be open and honest with one another. This openness and honesty will set the stage for trusting relationships. Without trust, families cannot build strong relationships. Parents, especially, are responsible for providing a safe environment that allows family members to openly express their thoughts and feelings.
Look for part three of this article in the June issue of The Magazine of Santa Clarita.
References
Epstein, N. B. Bishop, D., Ryan, C., Miller, & Keitner, G., (1993). The McMaster Model View of Healthy Family Functioning. In Froma Walsh (Eds.), Normal Family Processes (pp. 138-160). The Guilford Press: New York/London.
Gottman, J.M. (1994). Why marriages succeed or fail. New York: Simon & Schuster.
Graham, E., & Crossan, C. (1996). Too much to do, too little time. Wall Street Journal, March 8, R1-R4.
Markman, H. J. (1981). Prediction of marital distress: A 5-year follow-up. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 49, 760-762.
Noller, P., & Fitzpatrick, M. A. (1990). Marital communication in the eighties. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, 832-843.
Reviewed by Novella Ruffin, Extension Specialist, Virginia State University