The END.

The Four Horsemen is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively. You can use this metaphor to describe communication styles that will permanently end your marriage.
The first horseman is criticism. Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. The latter two are about specific issues, whereas the former is personal. It brings your partner to his or her knees and cuts to their core, whether you know it or not.
The second horseman is contempt. Being flat out mean– disrespectful, mocking, sarcasm, name calling are all contemptous. The target of your contempt–your spouse– is made to feel despised and worthless. Contempt goes far beyond criticism. While criticism attacks your partner’s character or behavior, contempt assumes a position of moral superiority over them. It has been said that research even shows that couples that are contemptuous of each other are more likely to suffer from infectious illness (colds, the flu, etc.) than others due to weakened immune systems. Contempt is fueled by long-simmering hidden negative thoughts about the partner—which come to a head when the perpetrator attacks the accused from a position of relative moral superiority.
The third horseman is defensiveness, and it is typically a response to criticism. We’ve all been defensive, and this horseman is nearly omnipresent when relationships are on the rocks. When we feel unjustly accused, we fish for excuses and play the innocent victim so that our partner will back off. Unfortunately, this strategy is almost never successful. Our excuses just tell our partner that we don’t take their concerns seriously and that we won’t take responsibility for our mistakes.
The fourth horseman is stonewalling. When the listener withdraws from the conversation, deflects, shuts down, or simply stops responding to their partner, they are stonewalling. Rather than actually dealing with the issues with their partner, people who stonewall can make evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, acting busy, or engaging in obsessive or distracting behaviors.
Each of these Horsemen are incredibly difficult to deal with. The trick is not to ignore them. Get into therapy, or, call Certified Family Law Specialist Denise Lite at 877-317-8080 for the protection you need.