Trick or Treat, Where’s The Turkey At, And Whose House is Santa Coming To?

Holidays are quickly approaching, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. You are recently separated with children and the big question is, where will the children go? Setting schedules, particularly holiday schedules, does not have to be difficult. The Court’s in general take a very reasonable approach to holidays, “divide and alternate.” What does this mean? This means, parents will alternate specific holidays from year to year and generally, for holidays that exceed a few days, such as Winter Break and Spring Break, the Court will divide the time in half to each parent, then alternate is the following years. So how can you prepare yourselves and the children for these upcoming holidays?
1. Resolve this as far in advance of holiday time as possible. It can be hard to decide months in advance as to what holiday is important to you- but having a first and second choice in mind can make negotiations much easier. Also, consider special holidays that you celebrate that are more important to you then others, such as Christmas or Thanksgiving.
2. Understand, you will not have all the holidays in one year, they must be shared. Such as, one parent gets Christmas Eve, Day, other parent gets New Years Eve/Day. One parent gets Halloween, other parent gets Thanksgiving. Then you alternate the next year. This way, neither parent spends a year without celebrating a holiday with the children.
3. Give a little to get a little. When negotiating on your own, through a mediator, or your attorney, remember the best negotiations keep in mind the fact that neither parent will realistically get 100% of what they want. Compromise is the key. You have to give something to get something.
4. Think outside of the box. Many parents have learned that it is not the particular holiday that is important, but the new rituals they can develop. As such, while some parents are simply unwilling to let go of Thanksgiving, Halloween, Hanukah or Christmas, other parents have learned to celebrate an alternate day as special. Sometimes making your own holiday can make for an even more satisfying experience. For Thanksgiving, many clients have two Thanksgivings for their children. Who doesn’t want two slices of pie.
The holidays can be stressful enough with all of the shopping, planning, and visiting family and friends. The added stress of settling holiday access can upset what should be a happy occasion. Give a little and you will get a little, but most importantly, consider the children. Anytime with family can be just as special as the holiday itself.
Start planning now, now that you have the time to. Do not wait until the last minute, otherwise you may be very disappointed. The Court’s will not settle holiday disputes on an emergency basis. They will however address this issue on a regularly calendared hearing date. However, given that most hearing dates are set out 45 to 60 days out, if you have not planned this in advance, you will likely not get before the Court in time. In this instance, the children will be with the parent who regularly has them on the scheduled time.
For more information and to schedule your consultation, please call The Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman, P.C., at 661-255-1800 or visit us at www.chromanlaw.com. Mr. Chroman is a Trusted Advisor Award Winner and named Top 100 California Attorney’s with over 26 years of experience and local service and a 2021, 2022 & 2023 Super Lawyer. You can purchase Mr. Chroman’s best-selling Divorce Workbook at: www.amazon.com/Preparing-Divorce–considering-separation.