What’s Within Our Control?

One of the key components of stress management, self-esteem, relationships and accomplishments is to focus on what is within our control. Unfortunately, people are more likely to focus on what isn’t in their control, leading to frustration as they run on their hamster wheel and get nowhere. What will you accomplish by waiting in anticipation for Publisher’s Clearing House to knock on your door with a huge check?
Expecting others to change is out of our control. Accept the reality of the existing patterns and then discover how you can accomplish your goals within that reality. Focus on your words and actions, not what others should be doing. If you want to see long-term changes in your life, look at how you can influence the situation with words and actions that are seen by others as being caring and respectful. If it won’t motivate you, it won’t motivate others.
We like feeling cared about not worried about. People who worry focus on things out of their control, so their worry becomes endless. Worry is uncomfortable for the sender and receiver and doesn’t trigger positive change. Caring moves us forward, for it allows us to see our role in the situation, opening our eyes to opportunities for us to take respectful and productive action.
Frustration results from not feeling the desired progress. Sometimes we feel entitled to receive things without giving, while other times we expect reciprocation for our giving. Barking at your cat won’t result in your cat barking back. Open communication to discover what works; don’t make assumptions. Your entitlement doesn’t hold more weight than the other person’s entitlement.
Here are things within your control: initiate rather than wait; seek understanding; share alternatives that may work rather than criticize; set goals and measure your progress; view opportunities instead of obstacles; focus on positives instead of negatives; maintain a tone others appreciate hearing; address the other’s priority rather than push your agenda; enhance your assets over criticizing your deficiencies (improve what you can and accept what you can’t change); associate with those you appreciate, not those you plan to mold.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.