Seeing Ourselves Through the Eyes of Others

 We know what we see when we look at ourselves, but how accurate is that picture? Are we seeing more than exists or are we only seeing our perceived flaws and overlooking our true assets? What is a true asset? Is it something we value or something valued by others? Is our picture more accurate if we view through one camera lens or through multiple camera lenses from different angles? If we only look through our own eyes, we either see what we want to see or what we fear seeing… but what is reality?
The difference between a flaw and an asset is in the eyes of the beholder. One can appreciate an artwork, while another labels it as garbage. If you value intelligence in a partner, you’ll see intelligence as an asset; if you feel threatened by another person’s intelligence, you’ll view intelligence as a flaw. Only label your qualities as assets or liabilities if you plan to be a hermit, for the value of your qualities lies in how they impact the ones you care about.
To more accurately see yourself, learn to see yourself through the eyes of others. Ask those close to you to list your positive and negative attributes. If one person says you have a good sense of humor, does that mean you have a good sense of humor? No, it means you probably have a similar sense of humor to that person. When multiple people identify the same qualities as positive or negative, it’s probably more accurate.
When I view positive attributes in a person, I enjoy experiencing those aspects. They energize me and draw me in. They help me believe this is where I belong. The last thing I want to hear is this person minimizing or criticizing those same aspects. Learn to see the value others see in our attributes. Learn to feel good about sharing those attributes with those we care about and who appreciate those attributes. Understand your sharing of those attributes adds to the relationship and makes it more meaningful to the other person and, ultimately, you.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.