Addressing the True Issues

A drunk crawls around under a street lamp. A man approaches, asking if he lost something. “I lost my keys,” he responds. “Let me help,” the man offers. After a thorough search, the man asks, “Are you sure you lost them here?” The drunk responds “No, I lost them down the street, but the light is better here.”
We tend to focus on issues we believe are easiest to address, usually expecting the other person to change. Fearing the unknown, we rarely address issues without first seeing clear solutions. We generally see the deepest personal issues as too complex, so focus on irrelevant issues or symptoms of problems.
You’ve heard about “the drug problem.” There is no drug “problem.” Drugs are solutions to problems. We can’t solve solutions. By eliminating solutions, we force discovery of other sources or solutions. We must address true problems, not symptoms or solutions.
Some people share irrelevant issues, to prove their openness or sidetrack true issues. Addressing our greatest fears or pains leads to greatest, most enduring results. Too much talking dilutes or confuses issues. Present a list before discussing issues, so the other person can see a roadmap and will more likely offer cooperation than obstacles. If we fear the direction a conversation is heading, we tend to divert it. In identifying issues, prioritize based on the overall positive the results will add. Don’t overwhelm the other person with an endless list of insignificant discomforts. Focusing on developing positives will result in a greater sense of accomplishment than focusing on eliminating negatives.
Don’t start the discussion with a predetermined solution. That tells the other person your mind is already made up, they are irrelevant, and the discussion is merely a formality. By addressing what you believe are the other person’s concerns, your concerns will become a higher priority to that person. Together, list all concerns, then all known solutions. Openly discuss everything and create a solution that effectively addresses the majority of concerns, having fewest negative side effects. Be open to new ideas and share in the fulfillment of teamwork.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.