With Your Family in Mind

We all have needs that we want satisfied within our relationship and most of us believe we are doing an excellent job at understanding the needs of our partner, but in fact we don’t.  This is because our true needs exist on subconscious levels and to truly satisfy our partner, we must satisfy those subconscious needs which means we have to understand them first.
To feel happy we have to feel secure.  There are many types of security: financial, intellectual, romantic, sexual, emotional, etc.   If one area of our lives in insecure, the others suffer as well.  The more of a priority an area is to the subconscious, the more suffering and in need of feeling secure we become, sometimes behaving in almost desperate ways to feel better.  Each personality type prioritizes these areas differently.

Golden Oak Adult School understands second chances.  In fact, it is part of our mission.  A number of people, probably someone in your own circle of family and friends, did not complete their high school education for a myriad of reasons.  The impact of that decision is not always apparent until later in life.  That is where we can help.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, “We aim above the mark to hit the mark,” and at Santa Clarita Valley International (SCVi), a K-12 tuition-free public charter school, the saying hits the mark when it comes to learners’ long-term success.  The school provides college prep for the 21st century by aiming for success well beyond college.  Innovative teaching techniques and rigorous project-based curriculum ensure SCVi learners have what it takes to be accepted into their college of choice, but also the social-emotional skills to thrive in college, career and life.

Every child deserves to have a safe, loving and permanent home.  Children’s Bureau needs foster parents who will care specifically for infants and toddlers during the reunification process with their parents.  There are also 114,000 children currently in foster care who are unable to return to their families of origin.  Children’s Bureau is seeking caring families to consider adopting these older children and large sibling sets.  The agency is holding a monthly information meeting for those interested in learning more on Saturday, August 20 from 10 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. in the Community Room at the Westfield Valencia Town Center located at 24201 West Valencia Boulevard in Valencia.

More and more the story that comes through my office is the one of the child that never grew up.  The son and daughter in their 20s, 30s, or even 40s that still depends on their parents to fix their problems, bail them out of financial crisis and worst case scenario give them a roof over their heads paying their way through life.  As emotionally supportive parents it is part of your job to guide them and be there when they are in need, however not to the point where your help hinders their growth.  The challenge for many parents is knowing where to draw the line.  How do you know when to let them struggle a little to learn a survival lesson?  How do you know when bailing them out is helping or hurting them?

It has become a common occurrence.  We open our morning newspaper, turn on the television or radio only to find yet another violent episode in which teens are perpetrators of brutal and senseless actions.  Frequently there is no explanation other than a deeply rooted anger had taken over the teen.
Anger is often regarded as negative; we’re taught that it’s all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions, but not to express anger.  As a result, we don’t learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.  It is often how anger is expressed, and that expression of anger can become destructive.  There are a number of reasons for explosive anger in teens.

The new health reform law that took effect on January 1, 2011 includes free preventive services for Medicare recipients.  Under the law, people with regular Medicare will no longer have to pay a co-pay, coinsurance or deductible to receive preventive services that are highly recommended by the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force — including screenings for breast cancer, colon cancer, diabetes and heart disease, as well as smoking cessation counseling.
Private Medicare plans (known as Medicare Advantage plans) may still charge for these services, but many do not.  Also under the new law, Medicare Part B beneficiaries can now receive an annual wellness visit free of charge. 

READ WITH ME! is a program that began in the fall of 2008.  The SCV Education Foundation matches volunteers with public schools who then assign them to teachers.  These wonderful literacy friends work with students one on one or in small groups to assist with improving reading skills such as word accuracy, fluency, and reading comprehension.
This program has proven to be beneficial to the students, volunteers and teachers. 

Kids seem insane don’t they?  Don’t worry, you’re not crazy for thinking this, they are insane.  But it’s not their fault.  Between modern society, community standards, screwy brain chemistry and a developing personality, most of this insanity is... uh... normal.  That sucks to hear, I know.  It doesn’t mean you don’t have some things to do to contain or minimize it.  If not treated, crazy adolescents can become crazed adults and/or create patterns or situations that reach far into their futures.  But of course you know this which is why you feel exhausted and desperate all the time.  You must remember that as much as they rebel and reject you, you are their first and last line of defense to their own raging insanity.  

In these tough financial times, support is becoming even more important.  Courts are facing tough challenges with parties losing their jobs.  In my experience, the courts have been cutting parents who lose jobs some slack to give them time to find another job.  And that only seems fair.  
The larger problems are the cases where the supporting parent stops working the overtime that you were accustomed to, or even worse, is simply working less hours per week.  The biggest problem is the perpetually unemployed parent who had no problem supporting the family before the parties separated.  In some cases, the adult working spouse actually moves back in with his parents.  This happens more than you might think. 

“What we call reality is an agreement that people have arrived at to make life more livable.” – Louise Nevelson
In negotiation, which is at the core of mediation, decisions only have meaning when all parties agree.  The methods used to create agreement will affect the perceived value of the agreement and the chances for compliance.  Often people engaged in a negotiation become entrenched in a position.  Their willingness to move from their viewpoint may depend on mutual concessions – each must give up something – thus resulting in compromise.  This certainly can lead to agreement, but “giving up something” can later create problems.

Advanced healthcare directives (also called living wills) are integral to planning for your care, should anything ever happen that causes you to be incapable of making healthcare decisions for yourself.
An advanced healthcare directive is a document that outlines your wishes for the kind of care and medical intervention that you want (or specifically do not want) if you become terminally ill or find yourself in need of life-support but are unable to speak or otherwise communicate, as could be the case if you fall into a coma.

A Chapter 7 bankruptcy filing allows a debtor to discharge most of their debt, including secured debt if the debtor is planning to surrender the property securing the debt.
However, many debtors do not want to surrender their homes or their cars.  In those cases, the debtor must consider reaffirmation of the debt.  
For real property loans (houses, condos), reaffirmation is not required by the bankruptcy code, but it is allowed. 

Comfort Keepers In-Home Care will be teaming with The American Red Cross on Monday, September 12, collecting blood that will remain in Santa Clarita for use by Henry Mayo Newhall Memorial Hospital.  The Red Cross bus will be in the parking lot of the Comfort Keepers building, at 23900 Lyons Avenue in Newhall, from Noon to 6 p.m.  Walk-ins are welcomed, but appointments are preferred to ensure a spot.  If you are able to donate, please contact the Comfort Keepers office at 661-287-4200 to schedule an appointment.

Not everyone needs a Living Trust.  If, for example, you have little or no property in your name, alone, and no minor children, you probably don’t need a living trust.  A simple Will may suffice.  (By “property,” we don’t mean only real estate, but also personal property, such as cars, furniture, jewelry, and other “stuff.”)
If, however, you do have more than nominal assets, some estate planning may be in order.
Here is a magic number to bear in mind:

Anxiety feels as though you have been chained to wild horses that are trying to pull you apart.  That’s strong language, but it’s an accurate expression of how we feel when we’re anxious.
What do you do with anxiety?  It’s a question that cries for an answer.  How do you handle anxiety?  What would God say?
God’s antidote for anxiety begins with, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6)

A reader of The Magazine of Santa Clarita sent in a question this month about the large number of voice talent in Los Angeles.
Q: I’ve been a voice actor for about five years now, and I’m encountering more and more people who say they’re voice actors.  I’ve also heard that about 6,000 people in L.A. alone call themselves V-O actors, but the bulk of the top commercial work go to the same 75 people who are known quantities and have a tight lock on the market.  I’ve been pretty successful so far, and I’ve booked a lot of work outside of L.A., but I was curious as to what the odds are today of breaking in this crazy business?  --Margeaux L., Long Beach, CA

If you are one of the many family members caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease, it can be very rewarding, but at times also be very frustrating.  It is so important that you not only provide care for your loved one, but that you also take proper care and time for yourself.  You may come to a point where it may be necessary to reach out to others for support.  Family members, friends and neighbors may want to help.  Faith-based groups may also have services that can assist you.  You may also want to seek out a support group where you can meet others caring for their loved ones who are also suffering from memory impairment.