Ask the Questions

Unlike common belief, ideal relationships aren’t based on body parts or money; they’re based on compatibility. How does one determine compatibility? Rather than seeing what you want to see or making assumptions, ask questions to help understand the other person’s perspective. Here are some questions you can explore with a (potential) partner. The answers can give you a good idea whether the two of you are on the same page or not.
When you were young (8-10), what was your picture of relationships? What did you believe were the reasons people entered relationships, and what did you see as positive and negative aspects of relationships?
As you grew older and had your own relationship experiences, how did that picture change?
As a result of your experiences, what did you discover about yourself and potential partners?
Based on these discoveries, what changes did you make in yourself?
What are your reasons for wanting to be in a relationship? What do you believe can only be met within a relationship?
What things are very important to be a part of your relationship? What things would be unacceptable? Look to your lifestyle to see what you’ve prioritized and what you’ve avoided.
What do you expect from a partner?
What can a partner expect from you? In other words, what do you believe you bring to the relationship?
The answers to these questions will give you a good picture of how your partner views a relationship and whether that view is compatible with yours. Truthfulness is essential for this to work. After discovering truth has been altered or withheld, we question everything we hear or see, or have heard or seen, from that person. That ensuing doubt keeps relationships cautious, disconnected/distant and superficial. Without trust, we can’t feel safe. Without feeling safe, we are unable to invest in depth.
Chances are you’ve never considered asking these types of questions, yet think about how the answers will help you feel you belong in this relationship or help you to pass on an opportunity that will only result in a life of frustration and disappointment.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-877-8378.