With Your Family in Mind

Yesterday we…
Cleaned out an oven and helped a lady put on her shoes.
We made scrambled eggs and wheat toast and helped a gentleman take his medications.
We brushed a woman’s hair and helped another fold some clothes.
We drove a widow to her husband’s gravesite and brushed away the leaves.

“I’m sure I have unfinished business in many of my relationships, but I would rather just let sleeping dogs lie.”  Many people feel this way when it comes to loss, trauma and unresolved grief events.  The past is over and done with, the brain says.  Move on, keep going.
But the heart has a logic all of its own, something the brain doesn’t know about. The heart’s motto is: “I have to go out there and make yesterday different.”  The brain thinks that’s ridiculous, so the heart shifts into park and the brain winds up dragging along the heart like a defiant mule.  Our heads and our hearts wind up in two different places.  Conflict ensues.

Do you want to make healthy changes this year?  You are your habits, so your success is based on changing habits.
We are creatures of habit, and one reason is because our brains are efficient.
When doing routine tasks your brain doesn’t have to analyze every small step.  It is estimated that out of every 11,000 signals we receive from our senses, our brain only consciously processes 40.  Ever been driving someplace and you inadvertently started driving to work?  Habit!

Moving can be stressful for anyone, but it is particularly stressful for seniors.  On top of hiring movers, packing, and setting up a new home, there is the emotional toll of leaving a house the senior may have lived in for decades.  If a move seems overwhelming, a “senior move manager” may be able to help.
Senior move managers are a new profession dedicated to helping the elderly with all the emotional and physical aspects of moving. 

Twenty five years ago, a male voice on the other end of the telephone scared my elderly grandmother.  He simply said, “I need help.”  Her response – “Alan, is that you?”  He responded, “Yes, it’s Alan, and I’m in jail.  I need bail money, can you please send $2,000 right away?  Don’t tell anyone, I’m embarrassed, and I’ll explain later.”  My grandmother had no idea that the male caller was not her son Alan, but a con artist trying to invade her wallet over the telephone.  Luckily, my grandmother did not drive, and she called me for a ride to the bank.  I was able to stop the con game, but the fake “Alan” was probably already calling his next victim.

As an addiction counselor I see a lot of families in tremendous pain.  It is the hardest part of my job and the only comfort is knowing that if I work hard and get them to work hard that the pain they experience can be transmuted into joy and healing and an even more profound appreciation for life than they ever had before.  Often when I meet them they are exhausted from trying to help their addicted loved one and want to give up.

Too often we receive calls from clients who have just been in a car accident.  This is very upsetting to us.  Thus, we want to do whatever we can to help reduce accidents for our clients and for everyone who reads The Magazine of Santa Clarita.  Here are a few tips and reminders that can prevent an accident from happening.
At a stop sign, be sure to check for incoming cars twice before pulling into an intersection.  Accidents with serious injuries happen too often because of drivers neglecting to carefully look both ways.

It is definitely time to make your new year’s resolution if you haven’t already done so.  Instead of losing weight, exercising more, and other “cliché” resolutions, try this: “This year, I will create an estate plan for me and my family!”  So forget about the diet this year, and instead, draft some legal documents that will be helpful to you and your family.
Instead of pulling a muscle by exercising or starving yourself with a silly diet, spend some time creating an estate plan.  Your friends will definitely be impressed, and I promise you’ll feel better!  An estate plan may include:

With the New Year comes a potentially important change in California law which may affect child custody cases.  I say ‘may’ because the impact of the law is speculative at this point.  What I am referring to is a change in Family Code §3042 which became effective at the start of this year.
Under prior law, if the child was of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to form an intelligent preference as to custody, the court was to consider and give due weight to the wishes of the child in making an order granting or modifying custody. 

The sooner an infant or young child can restore a healthy attachment to a primary caregiver, the more likely the child can develop healthy emotional relationship capacities.  Disrupted attachments can result in a myriad of problems from grief and loss to more serious disorders. 

Maybe you are like many of us who have real questions about what happens after this life.  We wonder, “Is there a real place called Heaven?  If so, what’s it like?  Is it boring?  Would I even want to go there?  If Heaven is a real place, does that mean there’s a Hell, too?  If so, what’s that like?  And who decides who goes where?”
If these questions or others like them have ever occurred to you, come and visit NorthPark Community Church during the month of February.  Dr. Dave White will be doing a series of messages on this fascinating topic. 

Readers of The Magazine of Santa Clarita sent me some great questions last year, and I’m looking forward to answering more this year and hopefully enlightening you a bit about the voiceover industry.  This month, a voice actor asks about creating a website.
Q: It appears that personal V-O websites are crucial.  Should a newcomer invest in a website soon after recording a demo, or does a site with only one demo connote inexperience?

Many parents consider the option to hold their child back a year by repeating a grade.  It seems like it makes sense; one more year to grow and mature, to review and master concepts that they may have struggled with.  However, research suggests otherwise.  
Boys are much more likely to be recommended for grade level retention than girls.  As youngsters, boys are more active and more likely to be off task in the classroom.  Typically, early language development in boys is behind that of his like-age female peers.

Apply yourself.  Get all the education you can, but then, by God, do something.  Don’t just stand there, make it happen. – Lee Iacocca
In his book, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell proposes that intuitive decisions are more often the best decisions; that too much information creates “analysis paralysis.”  The psychologist John Gottman applies this principle to marriages.  He claims to have 95 percent accuracy in predicting divorce after spending one hour with a couple.  There are significant criticisms of this approach as being unscientific and lacking in rigorous examination.

Every child in America deserves to have a safe and nurturing home!  Children’s Bureau is holding a monthly information meeting for those interested in becoming a foster or adoptive parent on Saturday, February 26 from 10 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. at the Westfield Valencia Town Center located at 24201 W. Valencia Boulevard in Valencia.  The meeting will be in the Community Room next to Ann Taylor Loft between J. C. Penney and Prince of Jewelers.
Children’s Bureau currently needs foster parents, particularly for infants and toddlers, who will focus on reunification with the birth parents as their goal.  In the past few years, families applying with CB have been certified as fost-adopt, which they will continue to be in the home study. 

Last month we discussed how 2010 gave us two very important questions to ponder as we strive to make 2011 the best year to date.  The reality is, 2010 brought some awesome learning experiences and opportunities for advancement in your life, and if evaluated properly will propel you into new territory that you never imagined could become a reality.  The first question we asked ourselves was, “What worked for me in 2010?” 

As Valentine’s Day approaches, many people are waiting to see what their significant other is going to do to prove their love.  Are you looking to be wined and dined?  Are you waiting to receive a proposal of marriage?  Do you expect cards and gifts?  Do you need to get more than just a card to feel adequately adored?  Are flowers or candy or jewelry compulsory?  Are you feeling pressure to spend beyond your means to meet your partner’s expectations?  Are you motivated more by Hallmark than by your feelings for your partner?  Are you waiting to see what happens on February 14 before you decide whether or not to break-up?

It’s a common occurrence.  We open our morning newspapers or turn on the television or radio to find yet another violent episode in which teens are perpetrators of brutal and senseless actions.  Frequently there is no explanation other than a deeply rooted anger had taken over the teen.
Anger is often regarded as negative; we’re taught that it’s all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions, but not to express anger.  As a result, we don’t learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.  It is often how anger is expressed, and that expression of anger can become destructive.